The first preview we had about marital relationship was in Genesis chapter 2 verses 22 to 24 after God formed Eve from Adam’s rib and brought her to Adam. Adam saw the woman in the light of the Spirit and said this is one as me, “this is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh”. The purpose of marital relationship was confirmed in verse 24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave (be married) unto his wife: and they too shall be one flesh”.
This declaration was before the fall and the man and the woman were to be one flesh, patterned after the unity of the Spirit (the Father, the Son and the Spirit) from which they were created and to raise Godly seed after them. Adam before the fall knew his oneness with God, for the scripture declares in Luke chapter 3 verse 38: “Adam was the son of God”. So he seeing Eve declared, this is one as us, “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”, and both of them together are to be one with God, this is the essence of marriage. That both man and wife will be in oneness with God.
The devil saw the purpose of God in Adam and Eve and enters in to scuttle this unity, that is, this oneness with God so that man is unable to populate the earth with Godly seeds. Eve was deceived, but Adam disobeyed and sin came, separating man from God and causing disunity between the man (Adam) and the woman (Eve). But God so loved man, whom He had made in His own image and likeness (Genesis 1: 26), that He made a plan of salvation in Christ Jesus. Romans chapter 6 verse 23 declares: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”. This plan of salvation was wrapped up in Christ from the foundation of the world. Revelation chapter 13 verse 8: “…The Lamb slain before the foundation of the world”. So Christ was the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. Apostle Peter declared in 1 Peter 1: 20: “God chose Him as your ransom long before the world began, but now in these last days He has been revealed for your sake”. So God’s dealings with man are contextually etched in Christ before His manifestation and afterwards, for as it is written, “for Him were all things made” (Colossians 1: 16).
The purpose of God stands forever, and this purpose of God is consummated in Christ. We see this in 1Corinthians 15 verse 27 – 28 “For “God has put everything under His feet.” Now, when it says that everything has been put under Him, this clearly does not include the One who put everything under Him. And when all things have been subjected to Him, then the Son Himself will be made subject to Him who put all things under Him, so that God may be all in all”. What Adam and Eve failed to do through their disobedience, Christ by His obedience fulfilled to raise a generation of Godly seed through His Bride, the church. Bride is symbolic of the people Christ identifies with (For both He who sanctifies and those who are being sanctified are all of one, for which reason He is not ashamed to call them brethren, Hebrews 2:11). The people that Christ is married to by covenant and who are also married to Him by their obedience and faith are the Bride of Christ.
The relationship between Christ and His church is a mystery, meaning one cannot understand it fully from a casual glance or passing knowledge. The love that made Christ to offer Himself to be slain before the foundation of the world for man. The love that made Him who knew no sin to become sin for man and willing to be separated from God the Father. The love that made Him who is life to taste death for the sinful man. The love that made Him by whom all things were created and for Him to chose to take upon Himself the form of a servant and humbled Himself and was obedient unto death, even the death on the cross for the sinful man. These are not casual things, it is a deep relationship, a strong bond of indelible characterization of a covenant which such declaration “this now is the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh” attest to. Seeing that it involves the giving of life and shedding of blood, it is a covenant relationship, which marriage is likened to. The relationship of Christ and His church is a mystery, a deep covenant relationship.
The authority of a man in this marital relationship and the submission expected of a woman must never be taken outside the context of Christ and the church. Authority is given for a divine purpose, and submission is commanded for the fulfillment of divine requirements. The man who has entered into a covenant relationship with a woman in marriage is enacting the relationship of Christ to the church to forge oneness with God and raise Godly children unto God. It is a metaphor of Christ being married to His bride the church to raise a Godly generation unto God. “A seed shall serve him; it shall be accounted to the Lord for a generation” (Psalm 22: 30). The authority given man is to serve in Christ stead and not to lord it over the woman as it has been culturally interpreted in most jurisdictions. First the man himself is part of the bride company, and he additionally stand in Christ stead unto his own wife. Both of them are to be in oneness with God through faith in Christ Jesus to replenish the earth with Godly seeds.
The wife too in her role of submission is essentially not to pose any negative influence on the man as Eve posed a negative influence on Adam that caused him to sin and be cut off from fellowship (oneness) with God. For the woman is meant to be a help meet for the man in this covenant relationship and not bring on any negative influence. Neither the man nor the woman are to take advantage of each other, which can bring about a breach in the unity of the Spirit.
Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 33 gives a vivid description of the relationship between Christ and the church, His bride and Apostle Paul provides an equivalence, a metaphor in a marriage relationship. In verse 32, Apostle Paul was quick to point out the contextual emphasis here. He says: “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church”.
The mystery of Christ and His church gives us a contextual understanding of the authority and the relationship that exist between a husband and his wife. Wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands as unto the Lord (Christ being the central point). Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. How does the church submit to Christ. The church submits to Christ by learning of Him; by obedience to His word; by imitating Christ; by putting on Christ and not fulfilling the lust of the flesh through deceitful lusts; and by growing up into the likeness of Christ. The purpose of the church submitting to Christ is that the church might know Him and the Father and be one as they are one. That the church might grow into the measure of the fulness of the stature of Christ and to be one with Him so as to produce offsprings after Him. Incidentally, both the man and the woman are members of the church, the bride of Christ. So at one level, both the man and the woman have the responsibility of submitting to Christ.
Another essence of the church submitting to Christ is that she might be sanctified, cleansed by the washing of water by the word so that the church will have no spot, no leaven, no negative influence that corrupts. So also wives ought to be, not having any negative influence on their own husbands like Eve had on Adam. They are to be in harmony with their own husbands, who stand in Christ stead. The church is to have the highest honour and respect for Christ, which is depicted in her obedience to Christ. Though man is given as a symbol of Christ in marriage to bring to light the mystery of Christ and His church, man is not to become an object of worship to his wife. Neither is the wife to become an object of worship to her husband. That will be idolatry. The authority man has is the authority to manifest Christ life and Christ character so that praises and worship might be to Christ whom he represents.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church (Ephesians 5:23). Again, we must take this headship contextually to Christ, for the relationship of a husband and his wife is a metaphor to give an understanding to the mystery of Christ and His church. The authority of a man is not to lord it over the woman and subjugate her to demeaning values. The authority he has is a responsibility given as one standing in the stead of Christ to espouse his wife (a type of the church) as a chaste virgin to Christ (2 Corinthians 11:2), just as Christ in the fulness of time will present the church as chaste virgin (that is spotless, without wrinkle or any blemish) unto God the Father.
The headship is more of a responsibility backed by authority of Christ. First, the authority is to the man himself to function in his Christ-stead role, and to function effectively also as the bride of Christ. Secondly, the authority is given him for not over his wife, a type of the church, that he might be a reminder of Christ to her and thereby present her to Christ as a chaste virgin and that they might raise Godly offsprings.
Harmony result when the man is functioning properly by the power of Christ for the woman to align with and submit to. This was the original intention of God for man before the fall, harmony between man and his wife and their offsprings and harmony with God. So Christ came to restore all things and having paid the price by reason of His death, He became the Head of the church to sanctify her, to cleanse her and to present her unto Himself a glorious church (bride) not having spot or wrinkle, but that it should be holy without blemish.
Understanding the mystery of Christ and His church, the bride, is very vital to understanding the metaphor which marital relationship represents. It is a mystery because it is a covenant relationship and in covenant relationship no parties in the covenant own themselves any more but belongs to the other. This is the essence of marriage, both are married to each other, cleaved to each other. No wonder the relationship between Christ and His church is a mystery, God married to the sinful man which He has redeemed, that the sinful man should be married to God who had redeemed them. We are not to live unto ourselves any more but unto God. Christ the Son of God became Son of Man that the sons of men might be sons of God. What a great mystery.
So having this understanding, submission of the wife like the submission of the church (bride of Christ) to Christ who is the Head is not taking out of context. Submission does not subjugate the woman, neither does it confer inferiority on the woman. As we noted in the scripture concerning Christ and His church: ” For both He who sanctifies and those who are being sanctified are all of one” (Hebrews 2:11). Submission of the wife like the church to Christ means the woman is not to be domineering or to usurp the authority of man who stands in the stead of Christ. Submission does not also confer docility on the woman as some cultural disposition are wont to, for she is an active help-meet for the man and joint heirs of grace. Submission means the woman will not negatively influence her husband like Jezebel to do evil, and she will not stir up rebellion against the man as he stands in the stead of Christ. In the book of Psalms 41 verse 9 we read: “Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me”. This was the essence of Christ washing the feet of His disciples (forerunners of His bride the church), that they raise not their heels against Him. This is a popular practice in my culture, the feet of the new bride is washed before she enters into her matrimonial home as a testament that she will not raise up her heels against her husband or stir up strife against him. This is the submission which is expected of the church and which a wife is to characterize in a marital relationship to nurture the unity of the Spirit in homes.
Likewise, understanding the authority of a man in marital relationship in the face of Christ to His church confers responsibility rather than superiority privilege on the man. Just as Christ is to the church, so also a man in marital relationship for he stands in the stead of Christ, and he is expected to:
- Be the saviour of the wife and their offsprings in a laid down life to Christ our ultimate Saviour
- Redeem his wife and their offsprings in selfless love
- Be a justifier of his wife and offsprings, stand up for them and defend them against cultural, familial and social practices that subjugates women and children.
- Be a sanctifier of the wife and their offsprings by being a sound role model and self-effacing praying husband like Christ.
- Be a nourisher of his wife and offsprings, by being responsible for the health and unity of the home.
Unity is the hallmark of the Spirit. In Christ, God had ordained that everything be ordered and made subject to Christ and then Christ will submit to God that He might be all in all, Amen. Ultimately, marital relationship, which is a metaphor of Christ and His church (His bride), is a blueprint for the church and the society. Every society should strive to protect the sanctity of the home (the man and the woman playing their roles as patterned by Christ and the church) if it wants to experience the blessings.
